'She'd gone out of her way to tell me I didn't look nice': Employee responds after being caught off guard during lunch break when coworker makes unexpected remark about her appearance

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Jun 25, 2025 1:00 PM EDT

'Don't dish out what you can't take'… or are they just overly sensitive?

The office is full of different characters and personalities, some with a competitive edge, but hopefully most with pure and constructive intentions. Although, how does one drop their feelings and sensitivities at the office door to avoid projecting onto other coworkers? It's important to remember that not everything is a personal attack on your character and work ethic, and that in most healthy workplaces, your coworkers only want what's best for you. 

But how does one differentiate between a genuinely concerned coworker and someone intentionally trying to put you down? When someone makes an impolite comment that is laced with ambiguity, is it better to react with impulsive defensiveness or bite your tongue and only hope that ''perhaps I took it the wrong way…'

Or another (not so suggested) solution could be to throw it right back at them and establish a new office rival…if that's more your style. 

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  • When this employee is offended by her older coworker, she takes the more dangerous route, deciding to throw a harsh comment back at her. Let's just say, this comment was not quite as ambiguous… 

    Below is the full story surrounding this office conflict, posing a question that maybe you could help us answer: Was she in the wrong for assuming her coworker's poor intentions? 

  • 01
    "I meant it to be playful but I could tell instantly from her face that the joke didn't land"
    via @shvets-production

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    AITA for returning my coworkers comment to her?

    This happened today on my lunch break. I (27F) was sitting in a small, semi-private sitting area watching instagram reels on my
    via Abject-Efficiency-30
  • 03
    phone with my headphones in. I don't really like to chat on my breaks so I usually keep my head down. I saw someone in my
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  • 04
    peripheral and looked up to find my coworker, let's call her Cathy (50s F) waving to get my attention. I took my headphones
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  • 05
    out and the first thing she said was "You look very flat today." I was pretty taken aback. I actually thought I looked nice today, but I
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  • 06
    hadn't done anything different than usual, and I was interacting with people as I normally do so it wasn't based on my personality. I
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  • 07
    was actually pretty embarrassed that she'd gone out of her way to tell me I didn't look nice so I just sarcastically said "Geez, thanks."
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  • 08
    She doubled down on her comment saying I looked tired, so I replied that she didn't look great either. I meant it to be playful but
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  • 09
    I could tell instantly from her face that the joke didn't land, so I said sorry and that I was just joking, but she rolled her eyes and walked away.
    via Abject-Efficiency-30
  • 10
    My comment was quite ride, but she did start it, and she's made a few r de comments about my appearance in the past so I think I snapped a little. AITA?
    via Abject-Efficiency-30
  • 11
    Cheezburger Image 10520833024
    via gabriel-the

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 12
    Kat_Hglt Is there a possibility that maybe she was sincerely concerned about you and was awkward about it, or is there reason to believe it was mean-spirited?
    via Kat_Hglt
  • 13
    Abject-Efficiency-30 OP I think that's why I feel so guilty, I thought maybe she was trying to voice a concern so when I responded I genuinely did mean it as a joke and thought we'd have a bit of a riff with
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  • 14
    each other. It was her genuinely ped off reaction that threw me (though I may have. come off as a lot crankier than I meant to)
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  • 15
    VordovKolnir Yta. Usually when someone says that it's out of concern. A general "I was up late" or "no I am fine" would have been much more appropriate. Even better would have been "in what way?"
    via VordovKolnir
  • 16
    LovingWisdom The correct way to do that is to ask "Are you feeling okay?" not saying "You look very flat today" The first is concern the second is critique.
    via LovingWisdom
  • 17
    VordovKolnir Eh, I have definitely said "You look tired" to coworker when they looked such. I don't think someone would say it to be spiteful.
    via VordovKolnir
  • 18
    Abject-Efficiency-30 OP I'm going to say for the sake of your coworkers don't tell them they look tired, they 100% are not appreciating it
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  • 19
    ObjectiveLanky6146 Nta I'd have turned nasty on the 2nd comment. You were more polite
    via ObjectiveLanky6146
  • 20
    Taffergirl2021 Ask her," why would you say that?" Whatever her response, yours is, "again, why do you feel it necessary to say these things?"
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  • 21
    happycoffeebean13 NTA. Also, it's not r de as a response to an unsolicited comment about how you look.
    via happycoffeebean13
  • 22
    sandgroper_westie NTA, I would respond by saying 'oh really, I'm feeling fine, I thought I looked nice?' it just turns it back on her.
    via sandgroper_westie
  • 23
    Chompy-Chomps YTA... saying someone looks "flat" isnt a comment related to looks... it is related to body language. le: u looked down? sad? Your coworker was effectively asking "are u ok".
    via Chompy-Chomps
  • 24
    jackieblueideas "Thanks, you too!"
    via jackieblueideas

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terrible coworkers boss antiwork office kitchen workplace-stories comments work drama employee drama the office Professional At Work work coworkers workplace
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